After experiencing the first Tidy Weekender in April of 2002, there was absolutely no question about whether my friends and I were going to make the 5 hour car journey from London to North Wales again in October. Even living in a city as cosmopolitan as London, the ravers are still faced with night after night of raving disappointment. The clubbing experience, in general, is very often a coin toss. Except for those few who hit the club scene simply to pull, the majority of us congregate to listen to and experience the power of dance music. We are very often left in dismay and disappointment due to any one or more of these factors:

1) The music is poor.

2) The music is not consistent. One DJ takes you to the point of complete euphoria and the next completely ruins that high causing you to seek out the bar or loo as a better alternative.

3) The crowd doesn't make a conscious effort to dress like it is an event.

4) The clubbers are far too "off their face" to even attempt to conversate and embark on random fun activities that only complement the experience.

5) The DJs don't listen to each other's set and force the crowd to listen and dance to the same song over and over again in a big FM Radio kind of way.

6) The venue is so small that you can't move nor even attempt to dodge all of the mangley-spangley people trying desperately to walk through the teeniest of spaces while causing mass congestion on the dance floor and colliding into people along their way.

7) The music skips or mixes together poorly.

8) Going to hear your favorite DJ spin (as an example) hard trance tunes because this is what he always plays, only to find that they fancied hard house that night
instead.

9) Hearing positively the best tune of your life and having no room whatsoever to dance your arse off! (This is my biggest qualm of all.)

I spent 3 1/2 solid days (72 hours to be exact) in a constant haze of hard house/hard trance heaven and can say that on only a few isolated occasions did any of these aforementioned items occur. With over 3000 people to entertain and several factors beyond their control, the numerous DJs hired for this event certainly had their work cut out for them.

The Tidy Weekender is only for the true hard house/trance raver. If the beats are consistent and tunes remain enticing, our bodies are brutally forced into dance. Only a couple sets that I heard hindered this process. Running a close second to the speed of an emergency fire evacuation, one DJ on Friday night cleared the dance floor faster than I have ever seen. In fact, after a brilliant set by the very young and talented Paul Maddox, and given that it was the wee hours of morning, the crowd in the main arena was very much up for it!

This happened on more than one occasionThe crowd would be going absolutely mental and then, the music kept winding down on us. If you are playing the first set, it is perfectly fine to start out a bit slow and progressively build the crowd up to the standard hard beat and rhythm we are there to appreciate. Please don't just stop and/or dramatically slow the music at 3am and then expect us to stick around. We're tired and you simply gotta bring that beat in full force!

Another issue was the temperature. It was outrageously cold and rainy outside and no cloakroom inside, so we all ran as fast as possible freezing and without coats to the front door to get in. This is poor, especially when getting in the back and side doors for some reason, is not an alternative. This should have been sorted out last year and is a recommendation of many to have in place for April.

Secondly, the main arena was so hot and muggy that condensation was falling from the ceiling and onto the decks. Poor Lisa Lashes and Anne Savage had so many skips in their set that were totally unnecessary and out of their control. OK, so it's North Wales. Open the side and back doors and let the cool air in! No one will complain about the lack of air conditioning and no one will collapse.

That's it for the negative! Have you ever been to a ONE-night event where issues like this occurred? Of course, we all have. The difference? These were the only noticeable issues arising from three solid days! I find this to be outstanding and why faithful Tidy Boys and Girls from all over will return bi-annually to Pontins.

I would like to elaborate on some of the top moments and tunes of the weekender.

Jon Bishop I think you and I were the only Americans at the event. You make me proud baby!

Lee Haslam and Eddie Halliwell Nice sets, both of you. An excellent display of DJ talent. And how cute are you guys up close and in person we had no idea! Photo Click Here

BK You are my star as usual. I even had the privilege of announcing the number one song on Dave Pearce's Radio 1 Dance Anthems on Sunday evening live from our room at the Tidy Weekender and "BK's Revolution" was #1 and my groups top request!

Tidy Boys Each and every time, not only do you pump out fantastic tunes, but you are so much fun to watch! Photo Click Here

Which brings me to
Tidy TV Nothing satisfies the insatiable appetite for mindless bollox than Tidy TV! Walk into anyone's room at Pontins and you will find 4 essentials: Rizzla, Beer, Hard music, and Tidy TV. Besides cartoons and music videos, Tidy went to the effort of putting together Tidy documentaries, talk and game shows. The Tidy Boys starred in the majority of these shows and kept us in stitches. Clever and witty lads you are!! But, stop giving my American DJ Jon Bishop such a hard time!

Lisa Lashes and Anne Savage I think you can make any little girl forget their dreams of becoming a supermodel or actress and want to be a DJ instead. Despite certain forces beyond your control, you played a wicked set! And watching the two of you appear to be as messed up as the rest of us lot and tormenting Rob Tissera during his set was priceless. Photo Click Here

LAB4 You are the boys who first pulled me into the tangled web of hard house from which there is no escape. On Sunday my friends, that crowd was packing in for you. Additionally, the spectacle was a very nice addition. Most of the time, you don't find spectacle and dancers really associated with hard house. Couple that with the sheer energy you boys exhibit during your (always too short) sets and all I can say isSorted! Photo Click Here

Yoji Biomehanika Only you and your mad hair could pull off a remix of "Take On Me." Absolutely stellar set! Photo Click Here

Paul Glazby I never know what to expect from you. Slammin hard or something a bit different? You were positively ruthless and aggressive with the final set of the weekend. Ravers were begging for a moments rest and you were not having it!! Sweat was pouring and feet were achingBut you could see happiness across faces despite this fact and excitement filling the room to capacity.
Rob Tissera Positively militant!! That sums it up with just two words!

Random Man Brought to you by the perplexing wonderment of certain substances, there is always that one random person that is so completely "off their face" that they are there simply to entertain. (Read the review of the first weekender to hear the story of whom I fondly refer to as "Random Rizzla Man.")
This years esteemed award goes to the guy with mangled up teeth who accidentally stormed into our room at 8am on Monday morning and upon realizing it was not his room, but we were making tea, announced, "I'll have a cup," and continued to stand there obviously desperate to move and unable to accomplish any function except for verbally inept nonsense. "Random Tea Man" only left when I told him to go find a cup. At which point, we locked the door. Cheers honey you are what weekender memories are made of!!

The Wedding Very funny and strangely enough, good music to accompany it. But, I think I can speak for the majority of the crowd when I candidly say to the bride and groom, Rachel and Jamie, UM, HELLO?? Photo Click Here

Venue Let's face it. If my family took me to Pontins and called it a vacation resort, I think someone should have alerted the authorities. But, place well over 3000 party animals in this environment and we thrive. Who cares about the strange showers and paying for heat when you have hard house love?
For space, the venue is perfect! If you are swept away by the beat, you have all the room in the world to kick it for hours!

Other Senseless Acts Of Fun Tidy set up a fun fair with balls to jump in, mechanical bulls to ride, and there is a playground where you can run around like you're age 6 and tons of arcade games to play. (Including that bloody repeat the dance steps/bounce on the squares to crap music game that does your head in!---If you were there, you know the one I speak of.) On Saturday, I participated in a rousing game of socks and saucepan tennis (See Pictures) and many curiously watched as some eager partiers attempted the world's largest musical chairs game. (They pulled out chairs and couches from their apartments into the main field.) Additionally, the Tidy clubbers could send in their text messages to be flashed up on Tidy TV. Some showed this the respect it deserved. However, I expect much more out of you people next time!

The Tidy Weekender is much different than any UK weekender event I have ever been to. The crowd is mad. The music is unrelentingly memorizing and consistently outstanding. The venue is remarkable with heaps of space, great lights (but could be darker) and loud/banging music. What's more? It's still a new event and only those who follow these DJs and this genre of music make the journey to North Wales. It is pure hard house and hard trance music and only for those whole-heartedly dedicated to the sound of the harder generation.

Ask yourself: Do you go clubbing to immerse yourself in the music? Can you keep dancing for hours and hours through the sweat and pain of

Beats ranging anywhere from 155 to 300 bmp? Do you enjoy and actually make the effort to talk to strangers and meet new people? Have you perfected the art of talking complete nonsense for hours?
Do you love proper hard trance and hard house?

Then you too could be a member of the elite and become a Tidy Boy or Girl. The next weekender is in April 2003. Until thenKeep It Tidy!!!

A special thank you to Beccy at Most Wanted PR for arranging press entry.